Male Sexual Arousal and Performance Myths -- and Facts

<< See part one of the Male Sexual Arousal article by clicking here

Today, we're busting common myths about male sexuality. Let's move on to myth #6.

Myth 6: Sex centers on a hard penis and what's done with it

Size, Hardness and Activity of this penis is what this myth is all about and all that matters.

Men are just their penises, and women sure get tired of penises being a focus.

Automatic functioning is an assumption about his penis too. This implies this penis should spring into action at any time.

Bernie Zilbergeld wrote "A man showing up at a sexual event without a rock hard penis is as inappropriate as a carpenter showing up for work without his hammer and tape measure."

All these expectations/pressure lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Bernie Zilbergeld wrote

Myth 7: If your penis isn't up to snuff, we have a pill that will take care of everything

OHHH and then there was Viagra, and that equals hard long lasting erection! The ultimate indicator of male sexual arousal.

Yes that is what these drugs provide, but that is all they provide. They do not heal relationship issues. They do not make sex better. They do not make you want to make love, be close or love who you are or who your with.

For those with blood flow problems, yahoo for this new pharmaceutical!

Myth 8: Sex equals intercourse

Sex is often synonymous with intercourse. Books, erotic materials, educational classes all treat them as one.

Sex is kissing, caressing, teasing manual and oral stimulation of the genitals. Somehow these are always a preliminary to the penis in the vagina.

We miss sadly the opportunity to enjoy the touch and excitement of the sex itself as one of the biggest joys in our lives.

If our goal is always intercourse, then we again get caught up in the performance, and not are in the moment of enjoying and getting aroused by our sensations with our partner. We miss the pleasure and stimulation necessary for our sexual response.

There is nothing wrong with wanting intercourse, but if it is always treated as an absolute then problems are sure to occur.

Learn to give and receive pleasure and you will be on your way to healthy sexuality and maturity.

Myth 9: A man should make the earth move for his partner, or at the very least knock her socks off

Sex has become so much about pressure to please and please, again and again, that all the "togetherness" is gone, if it were ever there for couples.

"One climax after another until she cries out with ecstasy" is portrayed in many a novel. Many couples do not take responsibility for their own orgasm or pleasure in sex. They never knew they should be doing this, and do not know how.

Just as we share our likes and dislikes, needs and wants in other areas of our relationships, we must learn about our sexual selves, and share this information with our mate.

Men feel sex is not worth the trouble if I can never please enough or meet all societal expectations. Unless the experience is earth shattering and ends in at least a dozen orgasms, it's just not worth the pressure. Or we fake it.

Both parties end up feeling sad, angry and frustrated.

I am here to tell you talking can be even more a turn-on then hinting. You know directly that you desire each other, and who doesn't want to be wanted?

Myth 10: Good sex is spontaneous with no planning or talking

Why not? Let's talk about sex. We hint, flirt, joke, seduce, but ask and plan, no.

I am here to tell you talking can be even more a turn-on then hinting. You know directly that you desire each other, and who doesn't want to be wanted?

As Dr. Zilbergeld puts it, we love feeding into this childish fantasy where people instinctively know what each other wants, and are willing to provide it without any problems, we can have all we want, whenever we want.

That does not work. If we do not learn to feel comfortable talking and planning for sex, we end up having less sex and not good sex.

When we plan for sex, like a vacation, we are anticipating good times, have energy and our mood follows.

You will probably be more likely to actually engage in opportunities for spontaneous sex. Talking makes sex real.

Debunk the Male Sexual Arousal Myths Together

You have to decide if you are ready to debunk these myths, and start having real good sex. I hope you are!

Feel free to contact me if you have questions about male sexual arousal, couples counseling, or any other sexual matter.


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Learn more about Kim Ronk, Couples Counselor and Sex Therapist