Let’s take a look at the necessity of arousal in male sexuality.
“This is a feeling that is also called excitement, passion, lust, turn-on, and horniness, is what powers erections in men, lubrication in women, and orgasm in both,” says author Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D of The New Male Sexuality, a book I highly recommend for men wanting to know about their sexuality and more.
Desire is when you have an interest in sex. Desire is not necessary for arousal. In fact you can become aroused first before you know you are interested in sex.
You may or may not be aroused when you have desire. Many morning erections are not accompanied by arousal.
Likewise you may be sexually aroused, but not have an erection. Emotional feelings, such as anger, fear or a medical condition may be getting in the way. Good time to seek medical help and a therapist.
How Sex Therapy Can Help Male Sexuality Issues
Sex is one of those exciting experiences. Just as varying levels of excitement are found with hiking at different times, so are the arousal levels with sex. It is the process of being aware of our senses. When touch, smell, or taste is stimulated.
Just as people enhance their taste for wine or chocolate, they too can increase their senses for sex. When two people are aroused they are “in the moment,” focused on the sensations and pleasure of themselves and each other.
Next time you are feeling aroused, take in the exact pleasures of the senses you are feeling and how they originated. Much can be gained from observing oneself.
These can let you know what to keep doing… what turns you off. The more focused, the more aroused, the better the sexual experience.
How to Increase Male Sexual Arousal
- Keep an erotic connection – talking and open communication with each other, sexy and serious heart-felt talk
- Touch often, without the focus being on sexual intercourse
- Do not have sex for negative reasons, such as avoiding arguments, obligatory, societal expectations or fear- doing so can lead to erection problems. Sex is best when pleasure-oriented
- Directly express relationship concerns or complaints
- Express pleasure – tell and show your partner what feels good, groan and moan (if you feel uncomfortable talking or with any noise-making, practice letting go while masturbating first)
- Meditation – excellent way to decrease anxiety and improve overall focus. Many resources are available – my new favorite is Five Tibetans by Christopher S. Kilham
- Fantasy, role playing and using erotic materials
- Kegel exercises aren’t just for women – strengthening the pelvic muscles leads to stronger more pleasurable orgasms – need at least 6 weeks of ‘training’ to notice a difference
Arousal is the necessary spark that leads to healthy male sexuality and good sex. Keeping the arousal response healthy keeps the erection and orgasm healthy!